Moving Past Resentment

Moving Past Resentment and Back to Connection: A Playful Guide to Rekindling Your Relationship

Ah, resentment. The silent relationship killer that sneaks in when we’re not looking, quietly building walls between us and the ones we love. It’s like that guest who overstays their welcome and eats all the snacks. But fear not! With a sprinkle of self-awareness and a dash of intentional action, you can move past resentment and rediscover the connection you once had. Ready? Let’s dive in.

1. Get Curious, Not Furious

Resentment usually comes from unmet needs or unspoken feelings. Instead of simmering in anger, channel your inner detective. Ask yourself:

• What’s really bothering me? Is it about this specific issue, or something deeper?

• Have I clearly communicated my feelings, or am I expecting my partner to read my mind?

Action Step: Write down your thoughts in a journal. Try using prompts like, “I feel hurt because…” or “What I need is…” Seeing it on paper can help you clarify your emotions and shift from blame to understanding.

2. The Gratitude Reset

When resentment takes over, we often focus on what’s wrong. Flip the script by intentionally noticing what’s right. Gratitude shifts your perspective and reminds you why you chose this person in the first place.

Action Step: Every night for a week, share one thing you appreciate about your partner. Bonus points if it’s something small, like, “I love how you make my tea just the way I like it.” (Because, let’s be honest, it’s the little things that matter.)

3. Play the “What Can We Do?” Game

Resentment often builds when problems feel unresolved. Instead of rehashing the same arguments, turn it into a collaborative game.

Action Step: Create a “solutions jar.” Write down small, actionable steps you can take to address recurring issues. For example:

• “Swap Saturday chores so we each get a break.”

• “Schedule a weekly check-in to talk about what’s working and what’s not.”

Pull one out together and commit to trying it for a week. Teamwork makes the dream work!

4. Hit the Reset Button

Sometimes, what we really need is a fresh start. Resentment thrives in stale routines, so shaking things up can reignite connection.

Action Step: Plan an adventure together. It doesn’t have to be fancy—think a picnic in the park, a spontaneous road trip, or even a dance party in your living room. New experiences create positive memories and remind you of the fun side of your relationship.

5. Practice “The Talk… but Better”

We all know communication is key, but it’s not just about talking; it’s about how you talk. Resentment grows when we attack rather than connect.

Action Step: Use the “I” statement formula:

• I feel [emotion] when [specific action].

• What I need is [specific need].

Example: Instead of “You never help around the house!” try, “I feel overwhelmed when the chores pile up. What I need is for us to share the load.”

6. The Resentment Release Ritual

Letting go of resentment isn’t about pretending it didn’t happen; it’s about choosing peace over bitterness.

Action Step: Write a “Let It Go” letter. Pour out your feelings on paper—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Then, do something symbolic to release it: tear it up, burn it (safely!), or toss it in a river. It’s cathartic and gives you closure.

7. Rebuild with Rituals

Connection thrives on consistency. Creating small, intentional rituals can help rebuild trust and intimacy.

Action Step: Start a daily or weekly ritual together, like a morning coffee chat, a nightly cuddle, or a “Friday Favourites” tradition where you share your highlight of the week. These rituals become anchors of connection.

8. The Power of Play

When was the last time you laughed together? Resentment loves seriousness, but laughter is its kryptonite. Injecting playfulness can dissolve tension and remind you of your bond.

Action Step: Try something silly, like a board game, karaoke night, or an epic pillow fight. Laughter isn’t just fun; it’s healing.

9. Bring in the Professionals (If Needed)

Sometimes, resentment feels too big to tackle alone. That’s okay! A relationship coach or therapist can help you navigate tricky dynamics and uncover the deeper layers of your resentment.

Action Step: Book a session with someone you trust. Having a guide can make all the difference in turning things around.

10. Remember the Team

Resentment often feels like “me vs. you,” but a healthy relationship is about “us vs. the problem.” Reframe the narrative and tackle challenges as a united front.

Action Step: Create a “teammate mantra.” Something like, “We’re in this together,” or “We’re better as a team.” Repeat it when things get tough.

Final Thought: Progress Over Perfection

Moving past resentment isn’t about flipping a switch; it’s about consistent, small steps that bring you closer to connection. Be patient with yourself and your partner. With intention, playfulness, and a whole lot of love, you can rewrite your story—one step at a time.

With love and a big dose of self-compassion,
Tammy x