Are You Over-Giving in Relationships? Signs & How to Shift the Pattern
In relationships, generosity is a beautiful thing. But when giving becomes excessive, draining, or one-sided, it can leave you feeling exhausted, unappreciated, and even resentful. Over-giving often stems from a deeper desire for love, validation, or security—but at what cost? If you find yourself constantly prioritising others’ needs at the expense of your own, it’s time to take a closer look at your patterns.
Signs You Might Be Over-Giving
You Feel Drained More Than Fulfilled – Giving should feel good, not depleting. If your emotional, mental, or even financial resources are running on empty, it’s a sign something is off balance.
You Struggle to Receive – Do you feel uncomfortable when others offer help, affection, or support? Over-givers often push away receiving because they subconsciously believe their worth is tied to how much they give.
You Give to Avoid Conflict or Rejection – If you find yourself over-accommodating or over-extending just to keep the peace or avoid someone pulling away, it may be driven by fear rather than genuine generosity.
Your Needs Are Always Last on the List – Are you the go-to person for everyone but yourself? If you struggle to set boundaries, say no, or prioritise your well-being, over-giving might be at play.
You Feel Unappreciated or Resentful – When you give and give but receive little in return, resentment can start building. If you feel unseen, undervalued, or taken for granted, it’s a red flag.
Why Do We Over-Give?
Fear of Abandonment – If you equate giving with being loved or staying ‘needed’ in a relationship, you may over-give to secure your place.
Low Self-Worth – When your self-esteem is tied to how much you do for others, giving can become a way to ‘earn’ love.
Learned Behaviour – If you grew up in an environment where love was conditional or you had to be the caretaker, over-giving may feel like second nature.
Control & Security – Sometimes, giving excessively is an unconscious way to maintain control over a relationship or feel ‘safe.’
How to Shift the Pattern
Pause and Reflect – Ask yourself: Why am I giving in this moment? Is it coming from love and abundance, or fear and obligation? Awareness is the first step.
Practice Receiving – Challenge yourself to accept kindness from others, whether it’s a compliment, support, or a favour. Receiving does not diminish your worth—it balances relationships.
Set Boundaries with Love – Start small. Say no when you genuinely can’t (or don’t want to) do something. Your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.
Rewire Your Self-Worth – Your value is not measured by how much you do for others. Prioritise self-care, affirm your worth, and remind yourself that you are loved simply for being you.
Create Relationships Based on Mutual Giving – Healthy relationships involve reciprocity. Surround yourself with people who also pour into you, not just those who take.
Over-giving isn’t love—it’s self-sacrifice. True love includes generosity, but also balance, self-respect, and boundaries. By shifting from over-giving to healthy, reciprocal connection, you create space for relationships that nourish rather than deplete you.
With self-love and empowerment,
Tammy Biton