Healing Inner Child Wounds: Like a Broken Leg That Still Aches
Healing inner child wounds is much like recovering from a broken leg. The initial pain is intense, the healing process is slow, and even after the bone has mended, there are days when the ache resurfaces. Maybe it’s a shift in the weather, a misstep, or simply an old pattern resurfacing—but the discomfort reminds you that something was once broken.
Emotional wounds work the same way. Even after deep healing, they can still be triggered, catching you off guard and making you question how far you’ve truly come. But here’s the truth: healing isn’t about never feeling pain again. It’s about learning how to respond to it with compassion and resilience.
The Science of Emotional Wounds
Our emotional wounds—especially those formed in childhood—are stored in the brain and body. The amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions like fear and distress, holds onto early experiences, especially those that made us feel unsafe or unworthy. When a present-day situation resembles an old wound, the brain reacts as if the past is happening all over again.
Studies show that childhood trauma can alter the nervous system, making people more prone to emotional reactivity. Research from the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) reveals that individuals with unresolved childhood wounds often have heightened cortisol levels, the stress hormone that keeps the body in a fight-or-flight state. This means that even after we’ve done deep healing work, old triggers can still activate the same physiological and emotional responses.
But here’s the hopeful part: neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to rewire itself—means we can teach our nervous system new ways to respond. Every time we choose self-compassion over self-criticism, we reinforce new, healthier patterns.
Self-Compassion: Your Emotional First Aid
When an old wound flares up, just like an old injury, it needs care. Here’s how you can offer yourself kindness in those moments:
1. Acknowledge and Name It
Rather than suppressing the emotion, name it: “I feel abandoned,” “I feel unworthy,” or “I feel scared.” Studies show that naming emotions helps regulate the amygdala and reduces their intensity.
2. Engage in Self-Soothing Techniques
Just as you would rest a sore leg, allow yourself to rest emotionally. Try:
Deep breathing: Inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for eight. This signals safety to your nervous system.
Grounding techniques: Run your hands under cold water, hold an object with texture, or name five things you can see. These techniques help anchor you in the present.
Gentle movement: Stretching, walking, or even rocking back and forth can regulate your nervous system.
3. Talk to Your Inner Child
Imagine speaking to the younger version of yourself who first experienced this pain. What would they need to hear? Maybe something like: “I see you. You are safe now. You are not alone.” Reparenting yourself in these moments builds inner security.
4. Remind Yourself of the Bigger Picture
Healing isn’t linear. Just because an old wound aches doesn’t mean you haven’t made progress. Growth is about learning how to move through discomfort, not avoiding it altogether. Think of it as emotional physiotherapy—each time you self-soothe, you strengthen your ability to regulate.
5. Reach Out for Support
Healing happens in connection. If a trigger feels overwhelming, talk to a trusted friend, coach, or therapist. You don’t have to do it alone.
This is exactly where working with a coach, like me, can make all the difference. Healing old wounds isn’t just about understanding them—it’s about learning how to move through them with real, practical tools. As a relationship coach, I help my clients uncover the unconscious patterns that keep them stuck and teach them how to build emotional resilience. You don’t have to navigate this alone. If you’re ready to break free from the cycle of old wounds and step into a more empowered, self-loving version of yourself, I’d love to support you on this journey.
You Are Healing, Even When It Hurts
Just like a once-broken leg may ache on cold days, old emotional wounds may surface from time to time. But that doesn’t mean you’re back to square one. It means you are human, that your past mattered, and that your healing is still unfolding.
So, when those wounds resurface, don’t see it as a setback. See it as an opportunity to practice self-love in action. The more you tend to those moments with care, the more your inner child learns that they are, and always have been, worthy of love.
With love and self-compassion,
Tammy Biton