If It’s Meant to Be, It Will Be… Or Do You Have to Fight for It?
Ah, the age-old question—should love be effortless, or is it something you have to work for? If it’s meant to be, will it just fall into place, or do you need to roll up your sleeves and fight for it?
Let’s break it down.
The Fairytale vs. Reality
We’ve all heard the phrase “What’s meant for you won’t pass you by.” It’s a comforting thought, right? It takes the pressure off. If it’s truly meant to be, then the universe will conspire to make it happen, and you won’t have to do much beyond showing up. But let’s be real—love isn’t a rom-com where fate conveniently aligns every moment for a perfect ending.
On the flip side, there’s the belief that “love is a choice, not just a feeling.” This perspective tells us that love requires effort, commitment, and resilience. It’s about actively choosing each other, even when it’s not easy. Love isn’t just something that happens—it’s something you do.
Love is a Verb
Love isn’t just a passive force that washes over us—it’s an action we take every single day. It’s in the way we listen, the way we show up, and the way we hold space for one another. Real love isn’t just about feeling—it’s about doing.
Loving someone means:
Choosing kindness, even when you’re frustrated.
Making space for difficult conversations.
Being intentional with your time and attention.
Taking responsibility for your own emotional responses.
When love is treated as a verb, it deepens. It becomes more than a fleeting emotion—it becomes the foundation of something truly lasting.
Effort vs. Struggle: Knowing the Difference
There’s a fine line between putting in the effort for something worth having and clinging to something that’s not meant for you. Healthy relationships do take work, but they shouldn’t feel like an uphill battle every single day.
Effort looks like:
Communicating openly, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Showing up for each other emotionally.
Learning and growing together.
Navigating challenges as a team.
Struggle, on the other hand, feels like:
Constantly chasing someone who isn’t meeting you halfway.
Trying to force something that keeps breaking down.
Losing yourself just to keep the relationship afloat.
Feeling more drained than fulfilled.
The Role of Alignment
Instead of asking, “Should I fight for this?” a better question is, “Are we aligned?” True alignment doesn’t mean zero challenges—it means you’re both willing to work through them together. It means your values, needs, and vision for the future complement each other, rather than constantly clashing.
How do you know if you’re aligned?
Your core values match or complement each other.
You feel safe expressing your true self.
You both prioritize and nurture the relationship equally.
Your goals for the future naturally fit together.
You experience more ease than resistance in your connection.
When alignment is there, effort feels meaningful, not exhausting. You won’t have to beg for consistency, respect, or love—it will flow because both of you are invested.
Trusting the Process
So, what’s the takeaway? Love isn’t just about fate, nor is it about exhausting yourself trying to make something work. It’s about knowing when to lean in and when to let go. If something is truly meant for you, it won’t require you to abandon yourself to keep it. Real love is about effort, but the right kind—the kind that builds, not breaks.
If you’re wondering whether to fight for something or let it go, ask yourself: Is this relationship helping me become more of myself or less? The answer to that question will tell you everything you need to know.
When to Work with a Coach
If you’re feeling stuck in a cycle of uncertainty, struggling with alignment in your relationships, or finding it hard to navigate love in a way that feels healthy and fulfilling, this is where coaching can make all the difference.
As a relationship coach, I help you:
Identify unconscious patterns that might be holding you back.
Cultivate self-love and emotional resilience.
Learn to communicate and set boundaries with confidence.
Shift from chasing love to attracting aligned, fulfilling relationships.
You don’t have to figure it all out on your own. If you're ready to break free from old cycles and step into relationships that feel truly right for you, let’s work together.
With love, Tammy